You may (or may not) have noticed a ‘Seasons of Joy‘ page at the top of my blog. If you’d clicked on it, you would have also noticed that there were no posts. That would be because I haven’t written any yet.
The operation I had back in November was of the Gynae kind and it has had a big effect on my emotions. Before the operation, I could not have any more children. This was a hard thing for me to come to terms with. I adore being a mum and I would have loved to have had a few more! Now (post operation) I really can’t have any children and, bizarrely, it has hit me again. I have shed many tears over the past couple of months and held my children just that little bit closer.
It is this mourning (for there is no other word I can use to describe the feelings) which has brought about some reflection. Whilst I have no choice concerning my feelings I do have a choice in how I deal with them. I am always telling my children that they can choose to let their feelings take them over or they can choose more constructive actions. I can’t do anything about the barrenness but I can make a few changes in my life that will celebrate the life I lead just as it is. Obviously this includes making sure every moment I have left with the children I do have counts and is made beautiful, but I think I try to do that anyway.
If I could just be a little inward thinking for a minute? – It has occurred to me that I am primarily a mother and wife. I know I am blessed to the hilt in these areas. I have an incredible marriage and enjoy parenting my gorgeous five children more than I can express. However, looming in the not so distant future resides a life in which my children are grown and have lives of their own. And whilst this is what I want for them, it doesn’t fill me with the type of joyful anticipation the birth of a child does.
Where is this going? A friend, whilst I was all but crying on her shoulder, gently reminded me that life is full of seasons and it was our job to make sure we enjoyed each to its fullest capacity. Seasons of Joy was born. This blog has always been a blog of my own precious memories. It was primarily began because I wanted my children to remember their childhood and know without a shadow of a doubt how loved they were, should the cancer return. As the fear of dying has receded somewhat, my blog is more about schooling than anything else. I have kept the Precious Moments posts which come out each Friday and records all our special moments during the week, but the rest contain school related bits and pieces.
In this coming year I want to explore the non- homeschool version of me. Narcissistic, I know, but one day I won’t need to home school because my children will have grown up and flown the nest. There are so many more things I enjoy which have taken a back seat to schooling. I used to sew, a lot , and create my own cards, sometimes from paper I made myself. I read, even more than I sewed, a huge variety of books of the non home school variety. And I crafted at every opportunity. It is only fair I point out that I have never done any of these things terribly well but I did them. They were a part of what made up me.
Home schooling is a huge blessing in our lives. Being a mummy is a huge blessing in my life. And I enjoy being a wife to Gary hugely. But, if I am to look forward to the future rather than dread the day I have no children to spend my days with, I need to put aside a little time developing or reigniting some of my former passions.
I am hopeful that these enjoyable moments will help me to look forward with joy to the next season in my life, whilst still taking the time to enjoy the present one. Seasons of Joy will contain all my personal projects large and small- from weight loss to home making; hospitality to frugal living; books I’m reading to recipes I’m trying. It will be a reflection of the person I am and the person I hope to become. And it will be a reminder to myself that I will not end the day the children leave home.
I understand that most of you read this blog primarily for the home schooling content and may find Seasons of Joy a little tedious. If so please do feel free to avoid Angelicscalliwags each Saturday. However, if you feel like coming along for the journey, I’d love to have you. Sometimes things are made all the sweeter for the people you meet along the way.