Gosh I love being a mummy. I mean, Adore. Every. Single. Second. Even when it is hard. Even when it is full of anxiety. Even when I am so tired I don’t remember my own name let alone the children I purport to love so much…
I have been looking over the, quite literally, thousands of photos documenting the whole of our lives together. Wowser. As I gazed at each photo with the faces of my favourite people staring back up at me, I cried, I laughed, I remembered.
My family is my everything. I feel so utterly privileged to have been allowed to spend every day pouring myself and my love into these incredible human beings
But I am weak. I am human. And to human is to err.
So it fills my heart with such an undeserved joy when I see Thomas reading deep theological books – when he seeks me out to tell me something he has learnt about God – something which excites him, bowls him over and something he shares with a deep pleasure. I am filled with an inexplicable love when Charlotte talks of her quiet times enjoying Psalms; when Lillie is told that her uni Christian Union believes she is a complete answer to prayer, a Christian Union she hopes to run alongside another young Christian next year. And I am humbled when I am late out of bed, struggling with yet another bad night of sleep, to my little ones sitting on the sofa, reading their Bible.
I do not deserve children as faithful as this. I do not deserve the Peace which comes from watching and listening to how much my children love Jesus. I am not worthy of this. But God. He has taken my pathetic, inadequate and unreliable efforts and has worked His power for good in my children’s lives. Him. Not me. So not me.
I am trying so hard to make sure that I too have time with God each day. That I am a good role model. Each day I shut the door to my bedroom and pray I am blessed with peace and quiet to read and to pray. Interruptions are frequent and begin almost immediately. Sometimes I manage ten minutes, sometimes more. Each moment I cherish. I ask God to bless and magnify every minute. And I am grateful for each one.
I am very much enjoying the ’Theology of Home’. I have always felt closest to God whilst with my family. Having children helped me to understand, in a very small way, the love that God has for us. I am the best version of myself at home, serving God, and serving those who I am blessed to live with, and those who are just passing through. Out of the home I feel cumbersome and awkward, but at home I feel at Peace.
I don’t need encouragement to see my home as my ministry. I know from somewhere deep within my soul that this is where I am meant to be. Home is my home: not just my body’s home, but that of my heart and soul. It has been wonderful to read a book all about the spiritual side of being a homemaker. I am especially enjoying all the quotes from C S Lewis, most recently the following:
You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.C.S. Lewis
It hit me how small the dreams we have for our life are compared to the visions God has. We need to think much bigger. And I’m not talking about the size of our house, more the size of our hearts. I want to greet each day with a heart big enough and open enough to hold all the wonders God has for me.
Quote: “The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career.”C. S. Lewis
Can you imagine living in a world where the homemaker is valued to this extent? Well, the world might not, but it is going to be my goal to do just that. And in valuing it as such I will become better at it than I am naturally.
And on that note, I have been busy, with Gary’s help, putting up one of two pairs of curtains I bought myself with some Christmas money my lovely mum gifted me. I was told not to spend it on the children, or on needs but on something I wanted or a holiday. The holiday was out on account of Covid. So instead I had some curtains specially made for our dining room:
Aren’t they lovely? We ran out of curtain hooks so couldn’t hang the second pair which will go at the windows to the left of the ones above. I’m so happy with them because we have not had proper curtains in our dining room since we moved in here. These are thick, lined and a beautiful dark raspberry colour. They make the rest of the room look a little shabby. You can’t see it in the photo above but below the curtains the paint is peeling and is marked with all manner of paints, dye and spilled drink (possibly…)
Right now the eight of us are sat watching Titanic in the living room, which as you know is part of the dining room (or visa versa) and I can notice a huge difference in the ambient temperature of the room. Curtains make a huge difference to keeping the cold out and the heat in! I can’t wait to get up our second pair…and maybe clean the paint work, or better still paint the paint work 😆
I’m going to leave you with another favourite quote from C. S. Lewis, which is perfect to end a Seasons of Joy post:
“Joy is the serious business of heaven.”C.S. Lewis
In this uncertain world, at this difficult time in history, Joy is the one thing which can be steady, sure and something to hold on to. Let us all pursue the Joy Christ offers.