Seasons of Joy – All things are possible….part 2

Ribbet collageSeasons of Joy

I think the first thing I learnt from reading through all the passages God highlighted for me is that He is to be our all, our everything.  In some distorted version of the truth Food had become that for me.  If I am being honest it had been since I was a child.

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But God wanted much more for me than that.  I knew it.  He knew it.  What I didn’t know was how to get from the theoretical ‘God is my everything’ to the actual reality of God being my everything.  The answer was in Romans.

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I have read Romans so many times.  It literally was nothing I hadn’t heard before and yet this time the words very nearly jumped off the page.  I couldn’t put the Bible down.  I wrote furiously in my note pad, wondering if photocopying might be a better option.  No, I knew God wanted me to write these words down, to catch them as they jumped and to restrain them into the pages of my journal.  These were His words to me.  Each one as relevant as the next.

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I ended up writing the entirety of Romans chapters 4- 8.  I knew now that by turning to Him back in November and giving Him regency over my eating was the turning point.  It was too big a problem for me.  I had tried to solve it by myself and had failed every. single. time.  Now I was trusting Him.

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I was finally understanding that each excess bite of food, the food I had always felt the freedom to eat, had actually destroyed that same freedom.  Food had bound me up and the temptation to eat more was growing stronger all the time.

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Then I read what Paul had to say in Romans 7 v14-16:

What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise

Sound familiar?  There are so many goals I set myself, and you know the vast majority I achieve.  And then there is my eating.  It is my nemesis, my Achilles heal, my area of sin.  It doesn’t matter how many times I have attempted to get it under control, I have failed miserably.  But this is Paul speaking here.  Man of God extraordinaire.  If he couldn’t do it, how on earth could I?  He continues:

‘But I need something more!  For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!’

Uh, yes, that would be me….

‘I realise that I don’t have what it takes.  I can will it, but I can’t do it.  I decide to do good but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.  My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions.  Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.’

Do you know the self loathing I have felt because of this very fact?  I seem so full of words but lacking in any tangible action.

‘It happens so regularly that it is predictable.  The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.  I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight.  Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.  I’ve tried everything and nothing helps.  I’m at the end of my rope.  Is there no one who can do anything for me?  Isn’t that the real question?’

I think I would have liked Paul.  He is so honest about his failings, failings I am sure every human struggles with at some time in their life.  And he asks just the same question as I did back in November when I finally came to the very belated conclusion that I was never going to be able to do this alone.  He asks who can help him?  And of course he has the answer to this purely rhetoric question….

‘The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does.  He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different’

I continued writing down these precious verses.  These were not merely words anymore.  I can’t explain, and I don’t think I have ever had such an experience with God’s word before.  All I knew was that this was God’s love letter to me.  He had written it years before I asked for it, years before I was even born.  But He knew that these words would be there for me when I was ready to accept them.  Last November I was ready.  From that day on I had stopped trying and instead I waited.

And He answered:

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Yes, the answer is always more of God and less of me.  Always.

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Thankfully I just have to groan and God gets it.  He gets me.  I can cry and ask for nothing and He will give me everything, and make it all work out for the good.

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And those feelings of inadequacies?  God has called me by name.  There is no need for any inadequacies, for I am a child of God.

So what do I need to do?

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Nothing is impossible, every chain is breakable;

With you we are victorious.

I am a conqueror through Christ….

28 comments

  1. I said I was looking forward to this post and you haven’t disappointed. There are so many wonderful quotes here and I will enjoy going through them slowly. Thank you for sharing your heart on this.
    I enjoyed listening to the song. I’d never heard it before and the words are just right.

    1. So true, although I think reading in the message helped as well because its translation is expressed so differently from any other translation I’ve read.

  2. These are great posts, Claire. Will you being do anymore? For example what all this looks like in your life now? I’d appreciate it if you did.
    Beckie

  3. The book “I Deserve a Donut (and Other Lies That Make You Eat) by Barb Raveling start out, “I began writing I Deserve a Donut several years ago. At the time, I didn’t know I was writing a book. I was just writing questions and collecting Bible verses.” I thought of these words, as I read this post. God is clearly working in you now. It will be interesting to see where He takes you on this journey.

    1. I’ve never heard of her or her book but the title looks very interesting! I might have to send off for that one. It is so exciting when one feels God working so strongly. It has only happened a couple of times before but the changes He brought about in me were so big that I am also really looking forward to this new journey of mine.

  4. Thank you for being willing to share this Claire. It is so helpful to write out Scripture. I also liked the song 🙂

    1. Words move me so much, especially the words of a well written song – I can’t seem to help sharing the songs which are affecting me right now! I’m glad you liked it!

  5. Your words are delicious to my soul, I hear His voice, it has spoken to you. He will finish the good work He has begun in in you. You will finish the race. He knows each of us so intimately, I love how The Word speaks to our hearts, the same words, but each written just for each of us. You are a beautiful creation, made in His image, He is moulding you on His potter’s wheel and He will not stop until you are entirely His, He bought you at a price and He wants all of you. Satan is trembling, He has lost His grip on the ‘sin which so easily entangles’ you. Keep your guard up, Satan will try to get in, but with the Bible reading you’re doing he doesn’t stand a chance. He is enough.

  6. Very inspirational, Claire. It’s funny how we can read scripture over and over and then suddenly something that we’ve read a thousand times jumps out and speaks to our heart! I’m praying for you!

  7. Bless you, Claire for sharing this with us! I needed this and will need this because I tend to forget ……needing reminding again and again.

    Thank you for that song too…..never heard it before, but oh so powerful.

    I can attest to the groaning ….not having the words to say…..the Lord heard and answered. That is so true.

    Bless you, again, for sharing your heart with us.

    Brenda

  8. When you originally posted about this, I couldn’t bring myself to read them.This isn’t because I don’t enjoy what you share, but because it mirrors my own struggles and thoughts about myself and my weight. So, today, I decided to go back and read them all. Part of me is just feeling so sad because I do have a food problem; I don’t like myself, and I constantly feel rejected. But part of me knows what you have shared is absolutely right. I can’t do this on my own. I have to bring it to God if I’m ever going to get past this and know what it feels like to accept me and feel loved. Thanks for always being so real, Claire.

    1. I’m so sorry you feel that way about yourself. But I’m so pleased you read through my posts. I was unsure about sharing so publicly until Gary encouraged me to listen to God. I had felt so strongly that this was to be a public journey because maybe it would help someone else. Thank you for commenting. I will be praying for you as I pray for help for myself and maybe we can support each other?

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