Finishing Strong

This is a rather belated post, but that is fairly normal for me. I think when you have a large family, there are always things going on in the background that you may or may not choose to share. This summer has been crazy in so many ways, some good…some wonderful, in fact, but some really, very sad.

I’m not really sure where to start. Perhaps at the beginning of summer…

Lillie

Lillie had her graduation which I actually wrote about! I know you’ve heard it all before but I am a very proud mum and so must say it again…well done Lillie for getting a first in your degree! A first! I am still a little stunned, but over the moon! Lil is currently doing a PGCE to get the experience she needs to possibly apply to do a master’s in art therapy.

Lillie also got engaged to her boyfriend, Dylan, with the wedding arranged for April.

Thomas

Thomas was married in August. It was such a lovely day from start to finish! Most of Gary’s relatives came over from Northern Ireland and much merriment was had all round.

Charlotte

Charlotte is also doing really well. She has been promoted to take over as manager of the book shop she works in, I think in December. She is still writing lots and was long-listed for the BSME young writers award. I have left her essay below:

Sunshine

The wisp of an eyelash. The same colour as mine, framing differently coloured eyes. Only slightly different colours, but different, nonetheless. Her eyelashes are hidden behind glasses. Leopard print. Large. Bumping against a silver piercing that sets her apart from me. Our noses look the same. Small, set in the middle of our faces, framed by high cheeks. I have freckles on my nose. She has them under her eyes. The same, but not quite. Piercings flash in the light when she moves. Eyes draw to her, as if they would go anywhere else. I am content in the shadow of her freckles and piercings.

People say we sound the same. That our voices match pitch when we speak, that our tone settles the same over their ears. We don’t agree with them. My tongue curls around my accent, lilting in a way that emulates our father. She sounds like our mother. Less curling, less lilting, more soft-spoken kindness that melts over your skin like a balm. We are equal parts our parents and each other. We know, with a look, what we are about to say. Our lips shape the same words, our matching voices click against the back of our teeth, desperate to escape. We have always been this way.

She is taller than me by three inches. This is unusual for people like us. Twins. Doctors have whispered words like fraternal and identical in varying shades of interest and sympathy. I don’t care. We look the same, but she is taller and what an honour it is to have the same scrunch at the top of our noses when we smile. People used to say it must be hard to look so similar. Perhaps it used to be, less so now. I no longer look at her and note all the features she has that I do not. Instead, I look at her and celebrate our sameness whilst adoring her differences. Her eyes are slightly greener than mine, honey and moss that glints like sea glass when the sun hits them. Mine have dots, a little solar system within the pupils. She is at the centre. They are slightly darker, my eyes, hazel and brown and the odd flash of olive green when I stare directly at the sun. When I stare at her.

Loving someone so like you, and yet so individual, is not often something you choose to do. More often than not, it is more like breathing. Sometimes it is more like a tic. Something involuntary, uncontrollable, this surge of feeling that requires you to say or do something to show the person how much you love them. Other times it is a choice. But, to me, loving Sunshine is like loving cold water on a summer’s day, a roaring fire on a winter’s night and the sound of your favourite song playing in your favourite club or bar. To me loving Sunshine is as easy as loving the feeling of a pen in my hand, or my pillow when I am tired. Winter lasts so long and, when the sun finally comes out, I always wear a vest to soak in as many rays as possible. This is the truth of loving Sunshine as well. I bear myself to her presence, soul and all, because life without her is like a long winter that never ends.

We used to dance in the kitchen together. Now we dance in bars to the same music with the same attitude of not a care in the world. She held my hand the night before I got married. I’ll hold her hand the night before she does. She is the first person I think of when I want to laugh and cry and yell and sing and shout at the top of my lungs. I never had to ask her to put me first. When I got sick, she dropped everything to look after me, advocate for me. I know she would do the same again.

We live in an infinite universe. Planets and particles and people surround us and love us and push us. We circle a ball of flames, we stare to it’s opposite at night, we explore. Careers are forged around the discovery of this infinity we have yet to know, these planets and solar systems and stars. Planets have their own moons. Whispers of other life, water on Mars, the more we know the more we want to know. But my own exploration is complete. I have no need to go to the other countries or planets or stars. Space means nothing to me without her in it. The planets mean nothing to me because, in my solar system, they are not her. I do not need the infinity of space. I already have my Sunshine. And she has always been mine.

Abigail

Abs took the rest of her GCSEs in June. You may or may not know that Abigail is autistic and awaiting assessment for ADHD. She was diagnosed a couple of years ago. The diagnosis has been super helpful for her in understanding why she finds certain things difficult. And, honestly, it has helped Gary and I also understand aspects of her that were, at times, puzzling.

With her first set of GCSEs last year, I was very involved: making flashcards, marking past papers, testing her with the flashcards, and setting videos for her to watch… she did well.

This year, I have gradually learnt that Abs, whilst incredibly easy-going and eager to please, has a real aversion to being told what to do! I think it is called task avoidance. Anyway, this year I stepped back and let her do what she believed was best for her education.

I have been homeschooling for almost a quarter of a century, and it still surprises me! Abs chose to get rid of the flashcards (which I had spent hours making for her!), kept the doing past papers but chose to mark them herself so that she could see for herself where she was going wrong and self-correct and she continued watching videos which she was happy for me to line up in a playlist.

She worked hard, but slowly, and seemed very relaxed about the whole exam thing. I mean, so relaxed, I wondered if she had even noticed that she was taking any! After each exam, she would come out; we would ask her how it went, and she would shrug and say it was good, and that was that! I honestly was not sure she would even pass.

Results day came, and she earned two A’s, one B, and a 94% on her sign language qualification. You WHAT now?! Turns out she knew exactly what she was doing when she asked to be more independent! The girl did good! Add those to last year’s GCSEs and she has a nice collection going forward!

Abs has now headed off for a year at a Christian college, living away from home and achieving her level three qualification. She has never been away from home before except with family members and she is a five and a half hour drive away. Abs has been there for 2 1/2 weeks and has had good times and some not so good times…it is definitely a sink or swim situation. But Gary and I feel so Peaceful about it that we are not concerned. We’re at the end of the phone if she needs us, and it’s not like she is half way across the world. I mean we can get to her fairly easily…just it will take us 5 1/2 hours is all!

Rebecca

Becs is in her final year of homeschool and is the only child left in the house. Fortunately, she seems to have had some party or other to attend almost every weekend since before Abs left! She is also super busy with school.

Last weekend, we visited the Fashion Retail Academy up in London, which is where she wants to go to study fashion design. In the photo above she is wearing one of her own creations. This is what she has wanted to do for as long as I can remember. We were both super impressed by the academy, in particular as a stepping stone to the University of Arts London (UAL), which is the uni her sister went to and which has an outstanding fashion school (apparently the best in the world). The down side is that it is harder to get into than Oxford or Cambridge!

For a bit more information about our summer and my progress on my 10 goals to finish in 18 months (now down to about 11 months I think), do watch my video at the top of the post!